Yummy in My Tummy

I haven't taken full advantage of the culinary treats that Paris has to offer (much to my friend Tim's dismay I am sure), but what I have consumed has been surrounded by good conversation, great people, and gorgeous scenery. This context has been far more delicious than eating alone in a fine restaurant, for sure.

Let us start with the alcohol . . .

Absinthe . . . This place was divey and creepy and a lot of fun. I think this is where Anthony Bourdain came when he did the Paris/Absinthe episode. Fortunately or unfortunately, the absinthe didn't have any crazy affect on Brandon or I, but we did enjoy trying 4 of the less-typical absinthes: Monmarte (Austria), Moulin Verte (Germany), Roquette 1797 (France?), & Brevans Hr Giger (Germany). My favorite was Monmarte. The process of making the drink is a lot of fun. They put the absinthe in the glass, then put a spoon w/ holes over the top of the glass and a sugar cube is placed on the spoon. Then water slowly drips over the sugar until the sugar is gone. You then taste the concoction and add some fresh water to it. It is an experience!

Wine . . . The wine is cheap cheap cheap and good good good!!! I brought wine with me almost everywhere. I drank wine in front of Notre Dame, the Opera, the Sacre Coeur, the Seine, the Eiffel Tower, etc. Some Heinekens made appearances as well.

Food . . . What they say about the baguettes being ridiculously good and cheap is true. Bread is everywhere and it is well worth the sugar intake. It is also a fabulous vehicle for delicious cheeses and meat pate-deal-ios; This sealed the deal for me.

For example, Brandon, Fabienne, & I had a massive picnic at a park near their apartment yesterday. Fois gras, 3 different types of meat pate-deal-ios (I really can't remember the names of these things), some wine, cheeses, figs, baguettes, some other weird thing I picked out with cheese and tomatoes in it, etc . . . The park was lovely and it was a warm, sunny day.

Another fabulous meal was made and eaten at Brandon & Fabienne's place for a nice dinner party with their friend Antoine. Brandon made duck w/ fig sauce and some potatoes cooked in duck fat. YUM!!

ESCARGOT!! Yummy-town for sure. The hardware is difficult to master, but the effort is worth it.

The 2nd best meal I had after Brandon's duck was the Sri Lankan place Brandon took me to: Dayaany (affectionately known as "Mama's"). I had "The Devil" I think it was called (lots of meat and spicyness), and Brandon had something called the "Coti Roti" or something. Sorry, I have a terrible memory and I don't take notes very often.

Yumminess was had, and all the stairs in Paris are doing their job of keeping this sugar-addled body from growing in size. Now if only I could get a big mug of black coffee somewhere . . .

Paris; Why I Won't Kiss You

 (Or, How to Improve Your French in Sessions of 20 Minutes or Less)

So I thought it was going to be ONE funny story . . . and then it started getting out of hand.

It is truly mind-blowing how hard I have to work to convince Parisian men that I won't kiss them. The persistence astounds me. My most logical arguments are no match for their egos (and/or their perceptions of american women?).

After some experience with French come-ons, I have found the common approach is as follows: 

• Tell an (American?) girl she is beautiful at least 3 times, preferably once every 5 minutes and perhaps adding several "tre"s in there will really butter her up.
• Try to pay for something/everything - if this is not possible in the circumstances, go to the next step.
• Remember: You don't have to show interest in anything but her looks. Just stare a lot and get your face as close as possible and keep repeating "tu est tres belle, tres jolie", maybe even throw in a "je t'aime" (I love you) or two to really up the ante.
• Then go in for the kill:
• (a) Ask/tell her to kiss you/express desire to kiss her or ***
• (b) Plain just go for it. ***
• ***If you are refused - (Quel concept!) Just ask "Why?" and no matter what she says, what BRILLIANT logic she comes up with, keep pushing ridiculousness upon her until she breaks or walks away or punches you in the face. She can't refuse your charm for long.

"Non" most definitely does not mean "No" to these guys. Well, it may mean "No", but "No" is never enough. Always the response: "Am I ugly?" . . . and I can't say yes because they are all attractive I guess, but not for me. Maybe that is the key! "YES. YES, YOU ARE UGLY!"

Needless to say . . . the next time I am told I need a real french kiss or that someone I met 2 minutes ago loves me I will cut the b****. Come to think of it, I do have a cute little knife on the end of my eiffel tower wine-key I bought in desperation my first day here. How fabulous a weapon for such a task - My cheesy tourist souveneir doing some damage on a cheesy come-on designed for tourists. I just hope to be wearing an american flag bikini with a bunch of freedom fries hanging out of my mouth at the same time.
 
Or I could just shove a cheeseburger in their mouth. To eat one without a knife and fork would be heresy and they would be so confused I could escape into the night with my sanity intact.

Or a plain "Je suis une lesbian" should do the trick.

Regardless, it should take far less than 20 minutes next time.