I believe the world revolves around me.

I believe the world revolves around me.

Before you get too excited about evil conceit and self-importance, let me explain what I mean . . . I am one who loves to learn and loves the process of discovering or attempting to hash out different ideas. I know that I can never fully step outside of myself and experience the world to gain complete objective truth (if there even is such a thing). I'm not even sure if that type of "truth" would appeal to me anyway, since the most interesting and meaningful truth I've ever known is experiencing and gaining access to the context of a person and the beauty of their inner-world.

In a huge way it is selfish; I gain so much from opening myself up to someone else who is also willing to do the same. The search for those kinds of connections has been my goal and orientation point since I was a teenager. Obviously, traveling (for who knows how long I end up being gone for) is not fully conducive to this type of goal; I'll make lots of short-term friendships if any. So why go traveling, then?

I picked up an additional goal/orientation along the road of life that is equally if not more important to me. In fact, in most ways it is the foundation for the previously mentioned orientation. That's where the development of my own inner-world, (or "lens" that we experience the world through), comes into play in my longtime dream of traveling and my decision to do it now.

Okay, so I'm a bit of an existentialist . . . I admit it. I guess it is kind of my religion - I've found more peace and happiness and felt more love for myself by taking a leap of faith into myself rather than a leap of faith into "another" determining how I should live and who I can become. I can only rely on myself to truly become my best self and hold me accountable. It is a freedom I could never describe. That is what I mean when I say "The question of god is irrelevant". One of my favorite poets is Hafiz, who writes the most amazing poetry of a god who is in everything. I like to leave some room in my heart for that possibility because it is a beautiful and assuring concept, but it truly does not matter for me whether a god is or is not. All I can know or be judged for is based purely on me and what I experience and what I do with this experience. It is scary and daring and may seem lonely to many, but for me it is the most respectable and rewarding.

In my judgment, the success of this way of living is directly related to:

• How hard I work to learn and experience as much and as varied as I can so as to build more facets or "truths" into my lens. 
• Being as honest with myself as I can; how diligently do I pay attention, process, and incorporate it back into my perspective? Am I living up to what I know? 
• Not being afraid of making a mistake. This one is hard for me to remember. I overanalyze and want to be perfect always. It is far better to make a mistake based on your own deliberation and choice than live a perfect life based in part or solely on someone else's judgment and direction.
• Realizing this is a never ending process . . . destroying and creating, destroying and creating. I will never get to a point where there is no room for improvement or additional perspective and knowledge. Like Nietzsche's Three Metamorphoses: Camel, Lion, Child. (Hence, the title of this blog. I will post a very basic explanation of this soon)

Traveling outside of my comfort zone; experiencing completely different cultures, environments, and people; imposing the challenges of the unknown and constant change . . . all of these things will bring me a wealth of opportunities to grow exponentially.

Now, I don't want to be disingenuous - I'm not coming from a high and mighty place here. I'm lost. I'm all over the place right now. I've experienced a lot of foundation-crushing in the past year that my head and heart need to work through - a failed engagement, the dramatic ups and downs of dating, and recently losing my job (without which I probably would not have the self-confidence and ability to handle wild change that long term travel requires).

I learned more about myself and gained more self-respect in 4 years of constant change and facing increasingly brutal challenges than I could ever fully explain. I love what "sink or swim" did for me in my time with my previous employer. I see this new journey as a self-imposed "sink or swim", and I hope more than anything that I come back with a richer world revolving around this marathon swimmer!